Imagine this: you and your husband are fighting like cats and dogs. Years of frustration in the relationship seem to have risen to a peak.
And the last straw is when your kids see you fighting and there is fear and confusion in their eyes. That’s when you realize that you cannot continue like this.
Nothing is worse than the negative parts of your childhood repeating themselves when you are the parent.
That was me last August. At the time, my relationship with my husband seemed to spiral out of control, from a loving and amazing partnership to a lackluster and dissatisfying marriage.
This was particularly frustrating to me because my ‘work’ (it feels like play, really) is to help people deliberately create a life of their dreams. And yet, here I was feeling so lost, alone and hopeless.
You see, I had a decade-long dream to sail in the Mediterranean. When I heard about the Abraham-Hicks 2013 Mediterranean Cruise, I told my husband that we have to go! He smiled and said, “Sounds great honey!”
I arranged time away from my business, took money out of my savings, and waited for just one thing – for my husband to take time off work so that we could go ahead purchase the cruise and airplane tickets.
Two months went by and one night he flatly told me that he didn’t want to go. He didn’t feel like he could take that time off work during his busy season.
I was crushed. How could he not understand how much this trip meant to me? The more I got angry with him for ‘leading me on’ and ‘not following through with his promises’, the more he resisted and defended.
I felt so powerless.
From all of my years of self-reflection and studying the law of attraction, deep down I knew that this was not about my husband. This was my soul calling for yet another release of relying on others for my happiness.
The more pressure I put on my husband to prove his love by doing what I wanted, the more he fought back. And the more out of control I felt, the more I acted out and the worse the interaction between us got.
In one moment of anger, I even called him names. Screaming “You’re acting like an asshole” was definitely not my proudest moment. And I knew that it’s not that he is (or ever was) an asshole, it’s that I was drawing those behaviors out of him with my attitude.
He was responding to me, I was responding to him and the worse we felt, the more the tension between us intensified. At those times, it seems really easy to point the finger and blame the other person for the hurtful, out-of-alignment things that they said and did. But that never made me feel better.
Someone needed to step out of this vicious cycle, wipe the slate clean and change the vibrational atmosphere between us. Then the upward spiral could begin.
Deep down I know that he is a kind person and he adores me infinitely. I know that it’s within my control to evoke that loving side of him.
Wait a minute? Do you mean to imply that what someone says or does is always a reflection of me?
Yes, I do. And I’m not just implying it.
I am shouting it in caps: YOU SET THE TONE FOR ALL THE INTERACTIONS IN YOUR LIFE.
In my late twenties, I first learned that that each one of us has the potential to create a life that feels good to us. I practiced deliberately setting a point of attraction and I proved to myself over and over that I have the ability to be in charge of my life.
But just because I know that I can direct my life, doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t create some interesting disasters to learn this at a deeper level.
Now back to the story about my husband and I. How did I transform our downward-spiraling relationship into the passionate, magical, compassionate love-story it is today (for the most part)?
I had a secret weapon – my alignment buddy.
As you may know, I fell in love with MasterMinding so much in the beginning of 2013 that I began to run my own sold-out MasterMind programs.
In the first MasterMind group that I organized, I met my future alignment buddy Lisa and we really resonated with each other. The weekly MasterMind sessions were exhilarating and powerful and we wanted more such moments throughout the week.
So we began to talk almost every morning with the desire to set a tone for the day and move deeper into the Vortex (that’s Abraham-Hicks speak for feeling good).
Sometimes we talked about our day, celebrating what went well and sharing what we are proud of. Other times we would focus on a feeling we wanted to experienced and do some rampages of appreciation about it.
The intention in all of our conversations was to find the best-feeling thought and move up the emotional scale (another Abraham term for moving from anger and blame to joy and harmony, one step at a time).
We knew that our time together was not for complaining or spinning our wheels in the muddy parts of our lives.
When we connected, we focused on appreciation and tuning into clarity and insights about what we want.
One night, after a particularly intense fight with my husband, I called Lisa and told her that I wanted to realign. I had just threatened divorce and I wanted to feel better about my relationship with him, whether we stayed together or not.
Instead of retelling her what happened, I began passionately sharing what I truly wanted to experience: trust, feeling heard and seen, clarity, feeling nurtured and loved, etc.
As I continued to feel into every word, it became clear that what I most wanted was to feel free.
I recognized that I had been waiting for my husband to give me permission to do what I wanted to do. But I didn’t need him to condone or approve my desires or decisions. He wanted me to do what made me happy (which he said over and over to me). So why wasn’t I?
I was setting a tone of feeling limited and bound and he was responding to my vibration by confirming what I felt.
It was difficult to acknowledge that I had a part in digging the big hole I was sitting in. It was much easier to point the finger at someone else.
But the only way to feel empowered was to acknowledge that everything that happened in my life had been consciously or subconsciously invited by me. And therefore, I could invite something else any time I choose.
Lisa and I had one of our longest alignment-finding conversations ever that day. At the end of our hour-long discourse, I came to a clear decision: I wanted to go on the Mediterranean Cruise by myself. As soon as I said it, I knew that this felt right.
And for the first time in weeks I felt like I could take a full breathe again!
I felt such deep relief. I felt free!
It didn’t matter to me that the sold-out cruise was starting in less than a week. All I knew is that it felt totally right to do what I wanted to do. I trusted that if going on the cruise was the path of least resistance for me to live my desire, then all the details would work themselves out.
Once I acknowledged my desire for freedom and I gave permission to give it to myself, my resentment towards my husband melted away.
I approached him after speaking with my alignment buddy and told him how much I loved him and appreciated him (and listed the ways that I see him taking care of me). Then I asked what he thought about me going on the cruise by myself.
He said, “Honey, if this will make you feel better and you will find more ease and happiness, please go. And I think some space will be good for both of us.”
At this point I felt total alignment with going on the cruise and I felt inspired to take some actions:
1. I called my friend who had a room to herself on the cruise and asked if she’d be open to having a roommate. She was delighted! Check.
2. I called the cruise booking company and worked my magic – they got me on the cruise and matched me with my friend as a roommate. Check.
3. I called my mom and begged her to come to help out with my kids. She usually needs to request time off months in advance, but it just happened that she already had 5 days off in a row so she just asked to take another few days. Awesome childcare was now in place. Check.
4. I waited until I felt totally inspired and then checked plane tickets. On 5-days notice, I found round-trip nonstop tickets LA/Rome for an incredible price of $1500. Check.
Talk about waters parting! As soon as I released fighting the situation as it was and allowed myself to admit what I wanted (even when I didn’t know the how), I could allow the law of attraction to bring my desire into my life.
Six days after the conversation with my alignment buddy, I was sitting on the flight to Rome (upgraded of course!), marveling at the power of lining up with my desires.
That cruise profoundly changed my life (read why here). I fell even deeper head over heels in love with myself and it led to an unprecedented renaissance within my relationship with my husband. Not because he changed, but because I changed.
Since then, I have taught pretty much all of my close friends my alignment practices so I have many alignment buddies to call, text or email at any given moment.
And this has made all the difference in my life!
Which is why I am BEYOND EXCITED to be bringing you an online course where you will learn about personal alignment practices and about how you can blossom your own alignment buddy relationships!
Now I’d love to hear from you: Do you have an alignment buddy in your life? How do you transform feeling powerless into feeling empowered with the help of others?
Blessed beyond belief,
Lana
This is such a powerful post, Lana. What really struck a chord with me was this line: “But the only way to feel empowered was to acknowledge that everything that happened in my life had been consciously or subconsciously invited by me. And therefore, I could invite something else any time I choose.”
The fact that we can change our reality gives me such a sense of freedom.
When I first heard that I didn’t believe it, but I wandered, what if that is possible? I am so glad that I took the journey to find out for myself! Thank you Lily!
Yes, it was exactly that sentence that also struck me right into my heart. Way to go! This post is incredible moving. I’ve been in a similar situation and I am happy I booked this trip not know yet how to afford it 😀 But it’s working!!!! Thank you universe!!
So happy to hear that Mandy!
This blog post holds such a vulnerable, honest and recognizable experience for me. To be so candid about your relationship and recognize how powerful your alignment buddy relationship has been in the evolution of saving your marriage is admirable.
I honor your work with me last year so much, when you saved my marriage by showing me the way to fall in love with myself. And you taught me that I create what’s in my life and that I have the power to re-create it as I want. I no longer seek what I want in my husband either and as a result I get what I want!!
You are an amazing alignment buddy and I’m so lucky to now have another alignment buddy from our MasterMind group. These relationships bring so much clarity to what I need, want and desire. Thank you for living the example! You are truly gifted in providing space for others to explore their dreams and make them come true.
Oh, Heleen! Your comment gave me goosebumps. It’s incredible what a journey that you’ve lived as my private client and now as a MasterMind participant! To say that I am proud of you wouldn’t even begin to cover how I feel! And to know that what I’ve lived and learned can also be used to support another? Greatest joy I know! Infinite blessings to you!
OMG I remember when you left “inexplicably” and next thing I knew you were in Rome!!
I’m going to follow 1,2 3 and 4 … need smooching time, and when i’m back, i’ll look for an alignment buddy! hehehe 🙂
Mystery explained Alejandra! So glad that I know how to follow my inner guidance! Hope you are enjoying smooching time! 😉
What an awesome story Lana!!! I’m so glad I met you on that cruise. I told a friend the other day that you are THE minister for the spiritual business owners. Reading your posts zap me back into alignment.
See you in Playa!!! Big hugs <3
OMG, you are killing me Nneka: “THE minister for the spiritual business owners”? I LOVE IT! So glad that we met and can’t wait to see you at the Abraham-Hicks Playa Del Carmen landcruise soon!
Lana,
I was experiencing the EXACT same scenario you were before I attended the Abraham-Hicks 2013 Mediterranean Cruise.
That cruise was the best thing that has happened to me is so long. I completely aligned with who I am and what I want in life, and when I returned home everything came into alignment with me.
My marriage is better than ever, my business is expanding beautifully, and I feel AWESOME!
Thanks for writing this. It really hit home.
p.s. It’s awesome to see you doing so well!
Nice to hear that we had parallel journeys Tracy. And it’s fabulous to hear your successes! Anything is possible for us!
This is so POWERFUL. It’s got my juices flowing to pull together some of the people from my original mastermind and see if there is a desire to talk weekly. i will definitely come into alignment with it before i take the plunge and orchestrate the calls.
i so honor you and your family and your journey. i deal with the same things with my husband and, while we do try not to argue in front of our son, sometimes we do. it would be so lovely not to argue at all and just have discussions.
can’t wait to see what you are up to next.
XO
alison
Thank you Alison! If you participate in the Alignment Buddy class, you will learn some of the practices that I use in the MasterMinds and with my Alignment Buddy to daily practice stepping into alignment! Then you can share it with the MasterMind group you start!
This is such an honest and vulnerable post. Your willingness to share your imperfections inspire me to keep trying and to understand that we are all on this journey of life and learning…Thank you!
I am perfect with my imperfections. 🙂 Thanks Doyle!
This is so lovely and so honest, Lana.
I have a friend who felt like you, frustrated and helpless and alone. She wanted to travel and her husband didn’t, and even though he told her genuinely that he wanted her to go, she didn’t and resented him. Unsurprisingly, they’re now divorced. So your post made me sad… what if she’d known the things you know and had been able to give herself permission, to act in alignment with what she really wanted?
Think we can all learn from this!
Charlie, wow, that’s a powerful thing to consider. I sometimes look back on my prior relationships and wish I would have known this sooner, but I know that everything is unfolding perfectly for me. And I’m glad that I know now that following my guidance and inspiration is the only way that I can have a happy relationship with myself, and therefore with anyone else. So I will hold a vision of great love and empowerment in all forms for your friend and for anyone else who has felt, like me, that the circumstances were outside of my control!
Lana,
Thank You!
karina
Thank you, Lana. I found this exactly when I needed the reminder that I can change my own reality. Let me tell you about my relationship and the changes we (as in me) are going through. We had lived together for 5 years, had been together for 6, when last year we decided to break up, because we weren’t happy with where we were, even though we still loved each other very much and very deeply. There was never any doubt about that. I was heartbroken for a few days but immediately tried to focus on positives about the breakup – such as doing things he didn’t want to do, or could do. I focused on things that made me happy and one day it came to me that we could rebuild our relationship from where we were into what we wanted. We both wanted more space, freedom, excitement and quality time, we wanted to feel in love again and not just love. So we decided to start casually dating each other with no strings attached and step by step as I’ve aligned with it we’ve moved to the next step and are now in a committed relationship living separately and we’re both happy with that.
Lately I’ve felt a huge shift coming my way. A shift inside me, beliefs surfacing that have been limiting me in so many ways. Self hatred, things like I am not worthy of even being alive because everybody would probably be better off without me here. Mind you, I have been aligned a lot of time so I’ve not been depressed and I knew it’s me getting rid of resistance. If course my bf is mirroring my feeling of not being important so he’s been more and more busy with work and I’ve been chasing him for confirmation and attention. Obviously pushing him further away. Earlier tonight I told him that I am tanking a step bank because I’m not happy with how I feel, that I don’t like the feeling of chasing him and I told him to call me when he’s got time to see me. Because I know that when I’ve found my footing, my focus on being happy on my own and my live and joy for myself again he will call and when he does I know I’m ready. I manifested this man into my life 8 years ago and I know I manifested exactly what my deepest desire had always been. A man I will continue to grow together with, a man that will grow with me, that will inspire and support my personal growth and that will grow on his own in his way beside me. I always knew he was that desire coming to reality. I lost track of that for a few minutes and that’s when Universe led me to this blog. Thank you. I’m back! 🙂
Wow, this totally summarizes my entire situation right now. I also try to help and empower other people by the law of attraction, and I find annoyed with myself as to why on earth can I not control it for this situation. My husband knows all about what I preach to my students and it’s trying to say “see, how could you help all this people and you are ruining your life?”. Since in my case this has been going for a year or so… I think this hole might be a bit deeper to dig out of, we’re trying theraphy, but I’m not big on compromising. I want my cake and eat it, but he is saying I won’t eat it unless I bake it. And I’m saying likewise. And yes, the most difficult bit is to avoid vent the frustration in front of the children. I’m highly impulsive, I find almost impossible to control myself when my ears decode some excuses as bullshit, it’s difficult not to be overtly honest about how I feel then when I get blamed for the whole situation. However, there is something that prevents me from getting back with him, somehow at some point he sent me the message that “he’s so not worth the stress and continuous disappointment” over some bodyshaming comment he made about my then pregnant body that I would feel utterly stupid forgiving him about it, like I feel that deep down I deserve better, I don’t want to keep fighting to convince someone else my body is awesome, I felt awesome in my pregnant body until he made such a stupid remark, that and combined how lonely I felt throughout the second pregnancy. I know, it’s my fault for allowing such comments to enter my life, but it’s difficult to block the comment from the person you live with and who seemed not as interested as usual on intimacy, and also, knowing if it’s not my body, he may critize my disorganized life, my forgetfulness, making me feel insecure about going out at night with friends, etc.
What an interesting read Lana! Truly said, sometimes having just a small “ME” time can make things back on the track. When you love someone, be it a friend, family or your SO, you got to let them free.
Rachita
I wish I had an alignment buddy.Don’t really have friends. I am going through rough times with my boyfriend right now, and want very much to fix my own vibration and align . It’s challenging as I am trying to be focused on what I WANT vs what I don’t, and as I feel happy , I try to give him appreciation and affection but am rejected. This is when I feel the anxiety and start all over with my wants. It doesn’t feel good to be rejected, and I want so very much for the healing. I am going to re-read this to help myself realign my thoughts. Thank you for your words.
Alignment buddy is a very good idea
Thanks for sharing